May 4, 2009

May 4–I’m too little to be so big!

Oh, Abba! I’m too little to be so big!

That’s what I call out (cry out, shout out, whimper out, sigh out) to my God whenever I feel like life is just a little way too much for me to handle.

Sometimes I get so tired of carrying the responsibilities and concerns for my family. I want the very best for each member in my family and in my husband’s family–for every darn one of them–young and old, near and far. Darn it! I want them all to know–and live in–the grace, truth, love, salvation and transformation of our Lord Jesus.

And this is especially true for my three (2 daughters, 1 son-in-law) 20-something children. Even as an empty-nester, I am still, and will always be, a mama! And the needs of my grown babies are still, and will always be, very close to my own heart, and must be constantly lifted up in prayer to my Lord!  (Oh, Jesus! You know what they need! And I’ll be happy to remind You, if You forgot!)

And for my husband–I just want to love on him with all that I am. I really want to be fully present for him all the time in all ways–which isn’t always easy when we both travel a lot–and away from each other. And it’s not always easy even when we are both home together–not when I’m still trying to write or study or take care of some oh-so-urgent-something-or-other! 

Oh, Abba! I’m too little to be so big!

Sometimes I get so worn down from wearing so many hats at work. (And I really love my job!!) But sometimes trying to lovingly serve-lead the ministry and manage all the constant and varied demands on me is just plain, well, demanding! These demands require that I find some kind of bizarre (but still grounded in Jesus!) BALANCE–that is somewhere between intense multi-tasking and multiple personalities!

Oh, Abba! I’m too little to be so big!

And I could go on and on and on about all the things I need to do at church and for friends, getting to know our new community and our new neighbors, caring for my home and caring for my planet. Being green can be very demanding, I’ll have you know!

And, of course, there are always the usual, life-sucking, demanding needs for my time, energy, attention…and, yep, even my money. (Although, I heard I could put off all money concerns by blaming them all on Bernie Madoff!)

Oh, Abba! I’m too little to be so big!

And you know what? Sometimes I just get really tired of having to be mature–or at least act as if I’m mature regardless of how I may really be feeling at that moment! Oh! Thank you, God, for being ever-present to snap the stupidity and immaturity right out of me–but, ouch! It’s just so tiring–and hard–to constantly choose God’s maturity when I just want to stomp my feet and punch something–or someone!

Oh, Abba! I’m too little to be so big!

Well, you know what I hear back from God when I call out (cry out, shout out, whimper out, sigh out) to my God whenever I feel like life is just a little way too much for me to handle?

I hear God agreeing with me.

You are too little to be so big! So! Stop trying to be so big, so balanced and mature on you’re own. You’re so silly. You know you’re too little to be so big! So?? Why do you even try to do it on your own?

Get over yourself! And seek Me. Look to Me. I AM BIGGER. You need to get smaller so that you can clearly see just how much BIGGER than you I AM! 

I am BIGGER than any responsibility or concern you may have for every darn family member–young and old, near and far. And I know, and can meet, the BIGGEST needs that any of them may have. (And thanks for the offer to remind Me, but I’ve got it covered!)

I am BIGGER than any balance you may try to find on your own–at work or anywhere else. 

I am BIGGER than any of your feelings and will give you deep strength and true maturity as you rely on ME, My Wisdom, My Word and My Way–in your life–at every moment.

Let your perspective of Me get BIGGER. Because when you do, your problems will get smaller. As I get BIGGER in your perspective, My strength and power will renew you even when you are most weak, weary and worn out.

He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth! He will not grow tired or weary and His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

Oh, Abba! It’s so good to be so little because You are so BIG!

In love, peace and purposeful passion,                                                               Sylane