I am absolutely convinced that God is able to fully heal and restore any life and completely transform each of us by the renewing of our minds. What I am not so convinced of is our own willingness to let God do His powerful work in us. Fully. His Way.

God had to really challenge me to look deeply inside myself and decide not only if I truly believed God could heal my heart after so much abuse in my life, but also if I truly wanted God to heal my heart. I had already forgiven my family as a teenager. This had brought enormous freedom and healing to my life. But, Oh! There was much more work to be done.

During the first year of our marriage, with my Timmy’s help, God made it very clear that He needed to take me deeper in order to make me freer. My Tim, who loved me better than anyone, understood me better than anyone, was also the sweet, sharp sword that God used to help cut away the crippling power of victimhood I was holding onto as part of my identity (and hadn’t even realized it). One day after an especially difficult and ugly call with my parents, I broke into a fit of self-pity and anger. How could they still be this way when all I did was try to love them and be a reflection of Jesus’ love for them? When were they ever going to get it? When were they ever going to change?

In the midst of my ranting, Tim asked me, tenderly and gently (and quite courageously), “Sylane, do you want to be happy?” That cut me so deeply. I had a right to vent. At least with him! Arrrgghh! But that cutting was actually from my Lord who had spoken very similar words to another cripple whose path He had crossed.

At the pool of Bethesda…a great number of disabled people used to lie – the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, Jesus asked him, “Do you want to get well?”       – John 5:2-6

Oh, my! God used this passage of Scripture in an all-up-in-my-face-because-God-loves-me way to show me that there was something still inside me that was refusing to fully want God’s full healing and power instead of my full right to self-pity. Ouch! God wanted me to want Him to fully heal me and take away every last vestige of victimhood from my life! Because of His Love for me. God wanted me free, and reminded me of His Word of Truth that declares:

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.           – Romans 8:37

Just as Jesus had challenged that man at the pool of Bethesda, He challenged me: Do you want to get well? My answer so many years ago was, and still is: Yes! No more victimhood. Jesus, You call me more than a conqueror. Lord, I want to be well! Help me let You intervene and interrupt my patterns of thinking and speaking, acting, interacting and reacting in every way with everyone so that I may walk with You in the freedom of the full healing You offer!

What about you: Do you want to get well? Do you want our God who loves you so much to bring His full healing into your life? I am convinced this is what God wants!